


A Word for What I Am

by 20Zvorak17



Category: Supernatural
Genre: ABO dynamics, Gen, Supportive!Jess, Transdynamic!Sam, it's a metaphor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 08:31:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11551440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/20Zvorak17/pseuds/20Zvorak17
Summary: "It's called Transdynamic," Jess tells him.All he can think is: There it is; a word for what I am, what I've been my whole life. And Sam knows language. If there's a word for what he is then he isn't the only one--isn't the freak he was afraid he was."It's when your body chemistry and your brain chemistry don't match up."





	A Word for What I Am

"I presented as an alpha," Jess admits, because she thinks Sam, her boyfriend of a year has the right to know.

"Going into heat makes me suicidal," he divulges, figuring the same. "It's a reminder that however I feel, no matter how I act, what my head tells me, I'm an Omega. I don't want to be taken care of or stay home. I don't have a desire to nest or demur to an _alpha_ because of a stupid quirk of genetics. It doesn't comfort me to be spoken for. Everyone always told me, 'That's not how an omega behaves, Sam.' All I ever wanted to say was, 'Well, I'm not an omega.' I'm just not. But then I go into heat and..." And Jess had kind of expected this, had recognized most of his symptoms from her own struggle.

"I completely understand," she comforts him and he knows that she does, "it's called transdynamic, when you present as one thing but feel like another. The most popular school of thought is that you get one wave of hormones but not the other. Your brain develops with excess testosterone or excess progesterone and your body with the other. I researched the heck out of it when I realized...and well, my family was extremely supportive."

Sam knows his wouldn't be, but that doesn't even register, not yet. Nope, Sam's just thinking: Here it is. This is the thing I've searched for all my life; a word, something that  _validates_ what I feel, what I  _am._ I can put a name to it now. Names have power. I know what it is now and I can control it, learn how to cope. Research, figure out how to take care of, follow through.

He's been doing that all his life.

"You could look into hormone therapy." His now-hero suggests. "If your health insurance is through the school they'll cover that-it's a legitimate mental health issue, so..."

"Thank you, Jess," he says and this honestly means so much to him he might cry, "I feel so..."

She touches his shoulder. "It feels really good, doesn't it?"

He doesn't have to answer, but he wants to. "Amazing. Terrifying."

He's going to do it--be the person he was always meant to be.

 

 

It's the next day before the implications hit him. He knows he won't change him mind; he's going to do this.

John would be disgusted. 

Dean is fifty-fifty. On the one hand, he's pretty conservative. The hunter types are usually a certain way and God knows--well Sam does--what Dean was raised believing. On the other hand, though, all he's ever wanted is Sam happy. There's an equal chance that, instead of disturbed or angered (which is also a possibility), he'll just be confused and ask Sam to explain and tell him, "I'm glad for you."

 

 

The hormones give him mood swings, bad ones. Some days, Jess has to convince him to get out of bed. Some, to settle and do his homework. Still other times, she goes full omega, even releasing her scent; the mad influx of alpha hormones causing him to drop everything and focus on her, allow her to calm his rages. Everyone gets it-this is California, after all, if either of them just explain the situation it's, "No hard feelings, then. And 'grats, man." Genuinely, these strangers are happy that he'll get to be comfortable in his skin.

And then, one month, he doesn't go into heat and he almost dies of happiness. Then one day, he smells like an Alpha. Then, out of nowhere, he has a rut, which Jess is more than happy to help him sate.

And he feels at home in his own body. God but it's glorious.

**Author's Note:**

> The thing about body chemistry and brain chemistry is a current theory about gender dysphoria. You get your hormones in two waves. One to the brain and one to the body. Sometimes you don't get one of the waves of testosterone (Still being studied, though, not yet a scientific theory). It's really short and a one-shot, but if you guys wanted to see, like, Dean or John finding out or anything, let me know.


End file.
